If They Can Smell You, They Can't Sell You

Good Day to you all! Miss Auditions here with today's audition tip: 

If They Can Smell You, They Can't Sell You (guidelines for grooming and appearance)

Grooming errors can end an audition before you sing the first note. First, the errors of omission.

Failure to iron your clothes that God intended to be ironed

• Pressing your pants between the bed and mattress the night before does not count as ironing and you will look messy.
• Dangling your wet clothes out the car window on the way to auditions will likewise not work; you will look messy and wet. 
• Wrinkled clothing tells the casting team you didn't care enough to look nice. Or that you are blind. Or that you don't know how to work an iron. Or that you're messy and lazy. 
• If deliberately wear disheveled clothing to pioneer a unique "look" or express your free spirit, you will still look messy and possibly crazy. 
• Messy is bad. Avoid messy.

Failure to thoroughly clean yourself and your accessories

• Start with your body. Clean thoroughly using soap and rinse thoroughly using water. A quick rinse is insufficient, as is running a washcloth only over the critical areas. Think long, hot soapy shower and don't leave anything out. 
• Clean your hair. Use shampoo. If your hair clumps together in oily strands, you may need to get professional help. 
• Moving on to your clothes, they should be thoroughly clean, as in washed with proper soap and rinsed with clean water. If you're wearing an item of clothing that can only be dry cleaned be sure that it has indeed been dry cleaned, recently, not last winter. 
• Don't overlook accessories. Even Hannibal Lecter noticed Clarice's shoes and bag. Your shoes, bag, belt, jewelry, hat or whatever you use to decorate yourself should also be pristine. Your entire appearance should be polished, clean, unworn, tidy and in a color that works with the color scheme of your attire. 
• Brush your teeth, gargle, put in your dentures, and check for specs of pepper and broccoli long before you face the panel. 
• Shave. Men: Seriously. Don Johnson was the last guy who wore the almost-beard and looked cool. If facial hair is part of your look, think trimmed like George Clooney, not untamed like the Duck Dynasty contingent or ZZ Top.  Women: We're not in Europe. Shave accordingly. 

Now for errors of commission... They can be just as career-ending as errors of omission. 

• Do not add aromas to yourself. No Old Spice, Armani Code, Chanel number anything or Patchouli oil. If the casting team is concentrating on not breathing they probably aren't paying rapt attention to your audition. You should be odor neutral. A big whiff of you should smell like nothing. A blood hound should lose your trail. 
• Unless you're auditioning for Hunger Games or to be a munchkin, keep your hair a color found in nature. If the panel is so obsessed with whether your hair is lime or chartreuse that they don't notice your voice, that's bad. Not only will they not notice your talent, they may be subtly taking pictures on their phones to show their friends later. Okay, not really, but you want attention for your performance, not for your bold challenge to the color wheel as we know it. 
• Make up should make you look fresh and healthy. No Tammy Faye. Dolly Parton make up only works for Dolly and female impersonators. And no Ursula from The Little Mermaid, either. 
• There are many hairstyles that aren't meant for everybody. Here is a short list. If you wear one of these, you'd better be sure it's right for you. Poll the audience. Ask your mom. Look in the mirror.
• The Lily Munster
• The Bride of Frankenstein
• The Betty White
• The Pee Wee Herman
• The Caught Sideways in a Storm and stayed that way
• The Fauxhawk
• The Mullet
• The Rat Tail
• The Coffee Cake
• The Bozo the Clown 
• The Dorothy

Rest assured that following these guidelines will not leave you looking like your parents. You'll look professional, polished and it will be easy for casting agents to picture you in a role other than Pig-Pen in  Charlie Brown. You can always frump yourself up and wallow in the dirt after the audition.  Remember, most audition teams are looking for you to fit into a role that's already conceived. Most auditions are not like the ones on TV where quirkiness counts. If the auditions team can't get past your unusual characteristics to picture you in the role they're trying to cast, you may end up in the hall waiting all day for your car pool friends who didn't paint their faces half blue-half gold and got a call back. 

In short, don't smell bad, don't smell like anything. Look neat, fresh, clean and healthy. Get the part and give up your night job. 

You're welcome!

And remember, Miss Auditions wants to help YOU follow your dream of performing professionally.